The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
