just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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