One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
