no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
