I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
This toilet bowl is my home.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
