remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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