the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
