3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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