too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
