just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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