so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
