I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
