My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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