omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
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