you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
