I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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