So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
