I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
