It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
