Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Randomize
