Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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