I wish I could teleport
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
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