It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
