woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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