all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
He told me they were just razor bumps!
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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