You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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