I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
