I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
