I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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