I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
