Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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