I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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