If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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