Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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