We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
