Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Enjoy the penises
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
