I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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