i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize