Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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