just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
