I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
