dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize