You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
