Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
