i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
