tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize