I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
