you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
