PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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