Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
