His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I think my moral compass just broke
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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