she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Life is so much better after having sex.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
