i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Randomize
