I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
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