I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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