Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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