When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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