I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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