Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
