so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
