final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
