dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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