I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
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