Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
