the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
