I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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