Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
She's the barista slut.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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