There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
