can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
