Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
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