it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
