I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Randomize
