Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
